The 10 Best Things About Being a Mom

The everyday: 
1. Hugs and kisses and holding hands.

2. Notes from my kiddo.

3. The smile that lights up her face when she sees me after we've been apart.

4. Compliments about my kiddo from others.

And the humorous:
5. Blaming being late on the kiddo.

6. Being able to use the kiddo as an excuse to do or to not do something.

7. Being "forced" to go out for ice cream or cupcakes.

8. Leftover Halloween/Valentine's Day/Easter candy.

9. Snowball and autumn leaf and dandelion fights.

And the obvious:
10. Mother's Day!

10 Things I Want for Mother's Day

Dearest Daughter,

Mother's Day is coming up, and I know I will be asked what I would like for a Mother's Day present. I also know that you and Daddy will disregard my answer: hugs and kisses and a hand-made card are all I need. After all, I have the best family I could hope for. I want to thank you for giving me a reason to celebrate Mother's Day. I don't need the flowers and candy and breakfast in bed and jewelry that are associated with this special day, but, if you're up for it, there are a few things you could do that would make me happy:

1. Be happy. Don't let others make you feel bad about yourself.

2. Be enough. Your interests, actions and dreams are what make you unique. Don't take on someone else's if they don't inspire you.

3. Be curious. Don't stop learning.

4. Be strong. Sometimes things are hard, unpleasant, or sad. Keep going.

5. Be loving. Care for your family, friends, and nature, but be sure to save some love for yourself.

6. Be healthy. Mind, body and spirit.

7. Be honest. Little white lies are one thing, but never lie to yourself.

8. Be forgiving of others and of yourself.

9. Be confident in who you are and what you believe.

10. Be yourself. I love you the way you used to be, the way you are now, and the way you will turn out to be.

I hope you see that everything I do, whether I'm loving, silly, impatient or "mean", is to help you to be all these things...and much, much more.

XOXO,
Mama

All Mommies Must Do This!

Part of being a Mean Mommy means fiercely protecting yourself  as well as your children. After all, 

"If a fire isn't stoked, it soon turns to ashes. MAMAS... Take care of yourselves!!! You have a passion, a beauty, an energy that your children and husband need to see and feel. Your fire will help your entire family thrive. Don't neglect YOUR FIRE!!!" ~Susi Sivkov

I know that when I neglect myself, it turns into a vicious cycle. Once I start neglecting myself, I go into survival mode. I put all my energy into taking care of my kiddo, which leaves me less and less time for the things that re-energize me, and my energy levels drop even further.

So, all you Mean Mommies, this coming Sunday is Mother's Day! While it's not cool to demand presents, if you are asked what you would like, choose something that will stoke your fire. It could be time to read, solitude to listen to your favorite music or watch your favorite TV show without interruption, being able to go out with girlfriends or do an activity you enjoy but too often give up...or it could be preparing a meal with your family instead of for your family, taking a long walk or hike with your family, getting everyone in their best outfits and on their best behavior for a family photo shoot...the possibilities are endless!

Feel free to leave a comment telling me what stokes your fire!

For Mama Bears

I am just catching up with the news about the Cleveland kidnapping victims, one of which disappeared at age 14 while on her way home from school. Gasp. Gulp. Vomit rising in my throat. Last fall, I wrote about my concerns about letting my kiddo play outside in the front yard in Get Your Paranoia Right Here! because the potential for disaster seems so obvious to me. Some people think that I have a morbid obsession with this type of story, but that is not true. As a "mama bear", I have a duty to protect my child, and I take it seriously. It's not that I glare at every stranger who passes by my house (just a few of them, and I only take pictures of the really suspicious looking ones. Just kidding. Kind of.)

Because this story prompted me to read all of the related reports, I have a link to share with you that you might have missed if you are not as paranoid as I am. I recommend Red Flags: How to Keep Our Kids Safe from Predators , which has great tips that all mean mommies and daddies need to know to keep their kids safe (even if you will seem uncool or unreasonable). These tips are geared toward tweens, which encompasses ages 8-12, but it's never too early to lay the ground rules. My kiddo will be entering tweendom in two years! Objectively, that seems like a long time, but time has a way of moving at warp speed. I remember 2011--two years ago--like it was yesterday.

At the end of the article, the author cautions readers that "...we live in times where we need to strike the balance between prevention and paranoia...We can all agree we are always better off being safe rather than sorry when it comes to our kids A double dose of caution never hurt anyone...". So, I'm pondering enrolling my kiddo  in self defense classes, getting a dog, and chipping her (my kid, not the dog. Or OK, maybe both. Just kidding. Kind of.)

Happy Moms, Happy Kids, Happy Meals

The pressure to consume, consume, consume can be overwhelming to us; it is probably even more so to our kids. Fast food restaurants capitalize on this, offering kids' meals full of unhealthy, addictive food and including a cheap plastic junky toy along with it. Smart moms know that they have to fight back and limit, or better yet, prohibit these bad food choices. However, when a mom is overworked and out of time and facing increased pressure because the tasty food comes with the hottest "it" toy, it can be easy to cave.

Great mom "S" has found a way around that with her family's tradition of Healthy Happy Meal Day. On a day when she is tempted to stop and buy happy meals for her kids (and probably equally non-nutritious food for herself and husband), S whips up something healthy like frozen (store bought) veggie burgers, sweet potato fries, broccoli and a salad. When she has time, she might make something from scratch, but the clincher is that her kids' meals come with an inexpensive toy or something to keep them occupied. Healthy Happy Meal Day isn't every day; maybe once a week if that.

I couldn't call S a mean mommy, because it seems like she never really let her kids have fast food much in the first place. However, if you have gotten into the habit of stopping at McD's every week and you try to switch over to a healthy version, I'm sure your kids will think you are mean and even torturing them. It's also important to note that, in order to make your own happy meals at home, you need to have ingredients and toys on hand, at least somewhat in advance. The idea of a happy meal is that it's the food and the toy, at the same time, on demand. If you want to go this route, you need to make the commitment.

Shocking Update!!!

It finally happened: I ended up driving the kiddo to school today! It was rainy and soggy and miserable and her field trip was cancelled, so I gave in and let her be a car rider for the very first time in the whole school year. It was a relief for her, not having to trudge through the wet grass, and it allowed me to give her a special treat. I know, I know, the haters are going to be on me for considering such a simple act a "special treat". Whatever. She was excited and she stayed dry.

And you know what? It actually takes longer (and we have to leave earlier) to drive than it does to walk!

The Battle Between Junk Food Mom and Health Food Mom!

Today on her Facebook page, "A Healthier and Happier You", personal trainer and fitness guru Jessica Clark posed the following question: "For you moms and dads...do you try your best to keep...sugar filled and processed foods from your children...?" She admits that she feels "judged by some people when I don't allow [sugary, processed foods]", and wonders  "Isn't that strange to be judged for good choices but no one thinks it is strange when you load your kid up with crap?" I felt compelled to to share with her two of my previous posts that deal with the overabundance of crap that our kids have access to: Oh Yum, Fresh Chemicals and Eat Healthy, Eat Healthy, Eat Healthy...Here, Have Some Crap. As you know, I am concerned about the same thing, and I have been judged for nixing crappy food. 

If you think about it, a mom who insists on a healthy diet for her child (and herself) is probably intimidating to a junk food mom. As any mom will tell you, 99% of us are not confident and often worry that we are screwing up the whole motherhood thing. Moms are notorious for  judging one another, and the fear of being judged by another mom is enough to strike fear into a woman's heart. Junk Food Mom looks at Health Food Mom and thinks "Oh, she probably makes all her kid's food from scratch using only organic ingredients that she grew herself, when she wasn't busy working full time, running a marathon, and coaching her kid's soccer team. She must think she's way better than I am." Maybe Junk Food Mom is judging Health Food Mom's "holier than thou" attitude, without realizing that Health Food Mom doesn't have an attitude to begin with. Junk Food Mom probably loves her child every bit as much as Health Food Mom, but isn't as informed or convinced or passionate about making healthy choices and has talked herself into believing that she is being condemned by Health Food Mom. Health Food Mom's food choices can be perceived as a personal attack, questioning Junk Food Mom's love for her own child! If Health Food Mom would just buy a candy bar or a Coke or a box of Twinkies, she wouldn't have the right to question Junk Food Mom's maternal love! 

Junk Food Mom would probably argue, "jeez, a Big Mac or Krispy Kreme doughnut or Slurpee won't kill you", and technically, she would be correct. Sure, those "foods" are full of empty calories, fat, artificial flavors, colors, and preservatives, but one serving won't kill you. It might even taste good. However, researchers are telling us over and over that these "foods" contain ingredients that are addictive and keep people wanting more and more and more. Once you fall into that trap, it's hard to get out, and your waistline, blood pressure and overall health will suffer. Health Food Mom has learned that--perhaps the hard way--and wants to keep her child from suffering such a fate. Fast Food Mom hasn't made that connection, or naively thinks the effects of a bad diet can be undone easily, at a later time. And after all, Junk Food Kid loves his junk food. Junk Food Mom shows her love for her child by providing him with what he loves.. 

So that's my take on Ms. Clark's post. Unless Junk Food Mom is just a lazy slob who can't be bothered to provide decent nourishment for her kid. In that case, she deserves to be judged. Rock on, Health Food Mom!