Monday, November 4, 2013

Puttin' the Bah in Your Humbug

On Saturday, NOVEMBER 2ND, I was checking out local radio stations and discovered that one was playing Christmas music. Halloween is barely over, and Thanksgiving is weeks away, but that doesn't matter, because it's never too early to start spending money for the holidays. Because, of course, along with the music comes the ads. BUY! BUY! BUY! SPEND! SPEND! SPEND! You are a loser if you don't spend four months' salary on presents for people. It doesn't matter if they need any of the stuff you buy them or not, it's the amount you spend that really matters. People need more stuff. But don't stop there! You need to totally disrupt your entire household to redecorate everything and create a true holiday atmosphere. It used to be that all you needed to celebrate Christmas was a tree, some good food, and a gift or two. Now, however, you can't celebrate Christmas if you don't have the following:
  • lights on the house, shrubbery, lamp posts, and other structures
  • a wreath on the front door
  • a wreath on every door
  • Christmas-themed doorknob covers
  • Christmas-themed door mats at every door
  • Christmas-themed picture frames
  • Christmas-themed throw pillows and and blankets on every couch and/or chair
  • Christmas-themed plates, glasses, cups,flatware, serving dishes, table cloths, place mats, table runners, magnets on the refrigerator, napkins
  • Christmas-themed bath towels, bath mats, hand towels, soap dispensers
  • Christmas-themed bedding
  • Christmas-themed clothing: pajamas, slippers, robes, socks, underwear, sweaters and sweatshirts
  • Christmas-themed accessories, such as necklaces, earrings, bracelets, watches, headbands, hair bows, and purses
  • Christmas-themed paper, pens, pencils, and stamps (and not just for your Christmas cards)
  • Christmas-themed items for your pets (bowls, sweaters, collars, and of course reindeer antlers)
  • Something Christmasy to put on your car, like a bow on the front grille or antlers for the top.
Got all that? Good. Now you can start on the tree. Then, once you have discovered the true meaning of Christmas, you will be ready to go forth and B U Y   S T U F F !

1 comment:

  1. I love Christmas. According to my calendar, it is celebrated in December. I resent the push to to start the holidays over a month early. If you look around, you will see that "peace on earth, good will toward man" is hard to come by. The real reason for the early holiday season is money, MONEY, M O N E Y.